Parent Teacher Night (Compliments
A bell rings in the skool. In Ms. Bitters' classroom,
the words 'the Big Bang' are written on the chalkboard.
Ms. Bitters: And you, Mary. Right where your head is, before
the big bang there was nothing there!
Mary stares speechlessly from her seat.
Ms. Bitters: And outside, where that squirrel is, there was nothing!
Ms. Bitters points to the window. On the outside
there is a barbed wire fence where a squirrel sits, eating an acorn. the squirrel looks inside at the classroom. Zim sits
in class, looking extremely bored.
Ms. Bitters: And under your chairs, nothing!
Zim looks at the clock and sees that class is almost
out. It is less than a minute from ending, but the second hand suddenly stops right as it is about to reach the 12.
Ms. Bitters: And by that tree, where that dog is, nothing.
Inside the clock, a bug is caught in the gears.
Zim grunts, grits his teeth and clings to his desk, waiting for the clock to start moving again. The bug splats inside the
clock, sending its innards all over the gears. the gears start running again. The second hand reaches the twelve and the bell
Zim: Ah, phew.
The students get up and start leaving, except for
Ms. Bitters: Don't forget that tonight is parent teacher night. Everyone
is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria.
Zim stops in the door way and then turns around
and approaches Ms. Bitters.
Zim: I never agreed to attend this parent teacher night!
Ms. Bitters: Yes you did.
Zim: No. You lie! You liiiie!!!
Zim flails his arms in scratching motions.
Ms. Bitters: Heh.
In a phantom like swoop, Ms. Bitters goes to her
desk. She opens a drawer and pulls out a disk which she sticks into a computer on her desk. She grabs the mouse and clicks
and the blackboard opens up revealing a view screen. The view screen plays a recording of Zim sitting in class. Zim fiddles
with a pencil.
Ms. Bitters (on recording): Zim, are you going to bring your parents to parent
Zim balances the pencil on his lip, then removes
it so he can give an answer.
Zim (on recording): Yeah, sure, whatever.
Zim puts the pencil back on his lips. the recording
ends. The blackboard returns to normal. Zim looks up at a security camera hanging from the ceiling.
Zim: Why would you tape that?
Dib packs his stuff.
Dib: Putting up a lot of fight for something as simple as parent
teacher night, Zim. I bet he doesn't even know what parents are!
Zim: Of course I do...
Zim flashes back to an incubation station on Irk.
The station has a large wall that is separated into boxes, and each box has a simplistic face on it which has three slits,
one for the mouth and two for the eyes. The faces are blue to match the wall and the features are purple. Suddenly, the features
on one face turn green and the eyes swell up into circles while the mouth becomes a smile. A robotic arm with a claw-like
hand grips onto the face and twists it. The arm pulls the face forward, revealing that it is the end of a clear tube that
holds baby Zim in it. Another robotic arm grabs the other end of the tube for support. The arms crack the tube in half so
that all the green liquid and baby Zim fall to the ground. Zim lies unconscious. Another robotic arm approaches baby Zim from
behind and then pokes 2 smoking holes in his back and inserts a standard issue Irken backpack where the holes were made. Another
robotic arm zaps electricity into Zim until he jolts awake.
Computerized voice: Welcome to life, Irken child. Report for duty.
Baby Zim hops up and hugs the metal arm.
Baby Zim: I love you, cold unfeeling robot arm!
The flashback ends and Zim realizes he is hugging
Ms. Bitters. Ms. Bitters growls and slithers out of his grip, making Zim fall to the floor.
Ms. Bitters: You will be here tonight, Zim! You and your parents!
Zim walks towards the exit.
Dib: Yeah! See you and your parents tonight, Zim!
Zim stops in the doorway.
Zim: Yes. Oh, I will bring my parents. And they shall be the greatest,
most parental parent ever!
An Avon door to door saleswoman walks towards Zim's
house holding a make-up bag. She pauses to run a hand through her hair and fix her suit. She looks at one of the lawn gnomes
and then walks up to the front door. As she walks, the lawn gnome's head turns to follow her. Its eyes turn red. The Avon
lady rings the doorbell. Within the walls of the house, two metal arms clamp together in response to the ringing of the doorbell.
They spin around, creating volts of electricity. Somewhere else in the house, lights along a wall begin lighting up. A door
open up at the top of that wall and a rectangular attachment to a robotic arm goes into the door, fitting smugly into the
compartment. Within the compartment, the father decoy wobbles. A door on the main level of the house interior opens up and
the father decoy wheels out along a track to the front door. The front door opens.
Father Decoy: Welcome home, son!
Avon Lady: Um, oh, heh. Is the lady of the house in?
The mother decoy rams into the side of the father
Mother Decoy: That's me! I am house lady, brush your teeth!
GIR in disguise walks by the open door humming
a tune. He catches sight of the bag of make-up which says 'take make-up' and stares.
Avon Lady: Um (she clears her throat) I'm selling make-up and I just
know you'll find something great in-
Mother Decoy (cutting her off): I said brush your teeth!
She lifts up a toothbrush and jumps on the Avon
lady. Down the block, Zim walks home looking depressed. A thought cloud appears next to him with Dib's head in it.
Thought-cloud Dib: I'll see you and your parents tonight, Zim! By
the way, it's not called parent teacher night, it's called Zim doom parent, Zim doomy zimmy... doom... night! (thought-cloud
Dib laughs) Watch out for that puppy.
Zim grunts as he trips over a motionless puppy.
He lands right in front of his yard and hears a strange noise.
He lifts his head and sees the Mother Decoy forcefully
brushing the teeth of the Avon lady as she screams.
The Avon lady hits the Mother Decoy with her bag
and runs away. GIR chases after her.
GIR: No, wait! Come back! I need stuff!
As Zim walks angrily into the house, the two Decoys
back up a bit.
Father decoy: Welcome home, son!
The Father Decoy wheels backwards until he rams
into the wall.
Mother decoy (holding a bag of flour): You want some dinner, sweetheart?
She pours the flour on Zim's head. Zim wipes the
flour off as he walks over to the couch.
Zim: What am I going to do? I only have a few hours before this...
(Zim uses metal spider leg appendages that come out of his backpack to boost him up to the couch) ...parent teacher thing.
The Mother Decoy repeatedly pokes the Father Decoy
with a wooden spoon.
Zim: The parent decoys aren't ready for that kind of service. Their
interactive skills are too limited. Unless... GIR!
GIR in disguise plops in front of Zim wearing make-up
he stole from the Avon lady. Make-up items scatter around him such as lipstick, a compact, and a brush.
GIR: Yes, sir!
Zim: GIR, we have to program the parents to learn human social behavior
if they are to join me for parent teacher night.
GIR: Yes sir, right away!
Fade into a room with 16 televisions hooked up
to many wires coming out of the backs. The parent decoys are strapped to chairs and their eyes are clamped open and wires
and wires are attached to their heads. The televisions are each playing something different.
TV voice: Failure to rotate stock destroys merchandise.
TV voice: You stupid moron!
The televisions continue cutting each other off
so it is hard to get complete lines from them.
TV voice: Do you have any ideas?
GIR in disguise walks over to a TV showing a fence
between two houses.
GIR: Ooh! This is my favorite show!
GIR walks over to a different TV showing a clip
from an old Warner bros. cartoon.
GIR: Wait, no, this is my favorite show!
GIR walks back to the other TV.
GIR: Look! It's my favorite show!
The TV shows the fence between two houses, but
now a man is walking down the sidewalk in front of it. An x-ray view of his back shows his spine crack.
Man: Ahhhhh! My spine!
He spasms on the ground and foam shoots out of
his mouth. The word 'Aspirin' appears over the television. Zim shakes his head. The TV next to that one goes from static to
the scary monkey show. GIR hugs the TV playing the scary monkey show.
GIR: I love this show.
Zim: No, GIR! The robot parents must learn proper parenting from
this video program!
Zim holds up a cassette that says 'Proper Earth
Parenting.' Zim sticks the video into a VCR and all the TVs start playing the tape. GIR nestles his head up to a wire and
falls asleep. Zim starts walking away.
Zim: Make sure they watch the entire video, GIR. The fate of our
mission depends on it!
A double door slams behind Zim and wakes up GIR.
All the televisions display a mom and a dad showing off their son.
Earth Mother: We sure are proud of our little boy.
Earth Father: We sure are!
GIR stops the tape with a remote and starts watching
normal television. One TV shows a woman standing by a washing machine holding up a pair of pants with grass stains.
Woman: Are you plagued by grass stains?
Another TV shows a fat man with a burrito and a
glass of hot sauce.
Man: I like burritos... but they sure don't like me!
The word 'Diarrhea' appears written in blood. Another
TV shows a woman with a wild hair cut.
Woman: Who does your hair?
Another TV shows the words 'Kung Fu Theatre.'
Announcer: We now return to our movie in progress.
The words 'Poke of Doom' replace 'Kung Fu Theatre.'
Announcer: Poke of Doom!
Kung fu type noises are heard as we see the camera
follow a thick wire that attaches to the chair the decoys are sitting in. A close-up on the Mother Decoy's eye shows blue
trails of energy flowing towards the pupil. The sound of the kung fu poking goes on in the background.
GIR: I love this show.
Later, in a portion of Zim's lab, the Parent Decoys
stand in a doorway on looking a massive pit. Zim jumps out of the pit and lands in front of the parent Decoys.
Mother Decoy: Are you ready dear?
Zim makes a triumphant arm gesture.
Father Decoy: Well then we otta be on our way.
Mother Decoy: We sure are proud of you son.
Father Decoy: We sure arrrrre....
As the Father Decoy says 'are' he leans forward.
His eyes look off into different directions.
GIR's voice: I love this show.
Parents are seen entering the Skool. Inside, Lizard
Boy shows off to Flan by wiggling his tongue around in a clear cup held in his mouth. Mr. Elliot walks up to Dib and Gaz who
are accompanied by a floating monitor that displays Prof. Membrane on it.
Mr. Elliot: Hey kids, your dad! I never knew he was a floating head!
Dib: No, he's not. My dad's just really busy and he couldn't be
here in person. He's transmitting live from his lab across town.
Prof. membrane holds up a test tube and studies
Mr. Elliot: Hey, my dad was like that too, you know I understand. It's
nice to meet you, professor.
Mr. Elliot holds out a hand to the floating monitor.
Mr. Elliot: I'm Mr. Elliot, huh, your daughter Gaz's teacher!
Prof. Membrane: I'm sorry but I'm very busy right now. We're
testing some highly unstable- NOOO! You have the mixture all wrong!
Light pours on Prof. membrane. An explosion is
heard, and a mushroom cloud can be seen in the window behind Mr.. Elliot. Sirens go off and screaming is heard. Prof. Membrane's
monitor screen shows static, but then a hazardous warning symbol appears with the words 'please stand by.' The mushroom cloud
outside is gone, but smoke can be seen rising from a building. Zim stands in the cafeteria doorway with his Parent Decoys
behind him. Zim looks unsure, but then he gets confidence to enter. He walks over to where Ms. Bitters is talking to some
parents while the Parent Decoys wheel along behind him. Zim clears his throat and Ms. Bitters turns around.
Zim: These are my parents, I love them with all my heart.
The Mother Decoy twists around and the father Decoy
Zim: I must have punch now!
Zim scampers away with his Parent Decoys following
behind him. Ms. Bitters turns back to the parents she was talking to.
Ms. Bitters: When you were my students, I said you'd amount to nothing.
And I was right, you're nothing!
Zim stands by the punch table holding a glass of punch. Dib, Gaz, and Prof. Membrane in his monitor screen approach
from behind. Gaz is chewing on something and Dib gets himself a cup of punch.
Dib: Hello, Zim.
Dib: Dad, there's somebody I want you to meet. This is Zim. You
know, the alien.
Prof. Membrane's floating monitor hovers up closer
to Zim. Prof. membrane rubs his chin.
Prof. Membrane: And what country is the little green boy from?
Zim: Yes, yes, that's fascinating.
Zim scampers away, but returns and hits the bottom
of Dib's cup of punch so that punch goes all over Dib's face. Gaz sniggers.
Zim walks over to where the Parent Decoys are talking
to the Slunchy family. As he approaches, the Parent Decoys writhe around once again. Billy Slunchy looks disgruntled.
Zim: So, what's goin' on?
Billy Slunchy: My mom won't shut up about me. It's really embarrassing.
Mongo Slunchy: At least she's not showing the pictures.
Mrs. Slunchy: Oh, and you've just gotta see these pictures!
The Mother Decoy just stares blankly as Mrs.. Slunchy
pulls a bunch of pictures from her wallet.
Mrs. Slunchy: Now here's Billy cryin' when he was kicked off
the soccer team for cryin' too much!
Mrs. Slunchy giggles. Billy Slunchy starts crying.
Mother Decoy: Grass stains sure are tough to get out of those
Father Decoy: Sports aren't everything. I'm sure your boy will
find... something he's good at.
Zim looks thoughtfully and puts a hand to his chin.
Ted Slunchy: That's true. (Mrs. Slunchy nods) Hey! Try one
of these cookies! My wife made them!
Father Decoy: Thanks, Ted!
The Father Decoy takes a cookie and eats it, but
then grabs his stomach with a look of pain on his face. Mrs. Slunchy nervously squints while Ted Slunchy just looks angry.
Mother Decoy: Oh no. Honey, is it-
Father Decoy: Yup! Diarrhea!
Many parents and a few students look in the direction
of the parent decoys. Zim's eyes bulge.
Mother Decoy: I have just the thing for that!
She lifts a cup of punch and splashes it in the
father Decoy's face. He wheels backwards into a wall and sparks shoot out of him. The Mother Decoy turns to face Mrs. Slunchy.
Mother decoy: Who does your hair?
The Mother Decoy starts poking Mrs. Slunchy so
hard that it leaves marks.
Mrs. Slunchy: Ow, ow, ow! My head!
She starts screaming as a crowd forms to watch.
Zim looks shocked.
Zim: Mom, I think we should go home now!
The mother decoy turns around to face Zim. Mrs.
Slunchy goes into her husband's arms.
Mother Decoy: Don't tell me what to do young man! You go to
The mother decoy picks Zim up and drops him in
the bowl of punch. The mother decoy wheels away. Zim hops out of the punch bowl, soaking. Dib dumps a cup of punch over Zim's
head. Gaz sniggers. Zim is about to say something when he hears his decoys causing trouble again and goes running to check
it out. The father decoy is charging the wall over and over again, leaving a mark and creating sparks on impact.
Mr. Elliot: Hey, is your dad feeling well?
Zim: Yes, he's perfectly fine.
An electric volt runs from the the Father Decoy's
feet to his left arm. His left arm shoots off and flies through the air where it lands right by Mr. Elliot's feet. It wriggles
around. Mr. Elliot screams. Dib laughs, but realizes that noone else thinks its funny.
Zim: Nothing to worry about! My dad lost his arm in the, uh, the
Father Decoy (on his knees): That was my squeezin' arm. They took my squeezing
arm! Why my squeezing arm!
The Father Decoy screams. The sound of Mrs. Slunchy's
screams is heard again.
Mongo Slunchy: Quit pokin' my mom's head!
Zim grabs the Father Decoy by the arm and drags
him along over to where the Mother Decoy is poking Mrs. Slunchy again.
Zim: Look, mom, we really have to go! Please. Now, please!
Mother Decoy: Honey, you're upset!
Zim: Yes! And I want to go home!
Mother Decoy: I know what'll cheer you up.
The parent decoys start river dancing. Dib leans
back at the punch table, eating a doughnut and sipping punch. Then he springs forward, pointing at the parent decoys.
Dib: Look everyone, look!
Some people turn their heads, but most are looking
at Mrs. Slunchy. Billy Slunchy is crying.
Woman: Can't you see this woman is suffering from severe pokie trauma!?!
The Parent decoys are still river-dancing.
Zim: Uck, mom, dad. I think I've broken my spine! My spine!
Zim screams and then pants.
Mother Decoy: Awe, honey. I think it's time we took you home.
Zim's eyes widen. The mother decoy picks him up
and holds him in a cradling position. Zim grins, but that grin fades when he realizes the parent's legs are turning into jetpacks.
the parents fly away, blasting through the window.
Dib: Lemme guess. Nobody saw that, right?
Every single person there is looking away, possibly
still crowded around Mrs. Slunchy. Dib throws his punch to the ground.
Hugh Monstro: Hey!
The entire crowd turns around.
Hugh Monstro: That kid's throwing punch!
A phantom figure slithers through the crowd and
materializes in front of Dib as Ms. Bitters who hisses angrily.